Pain and explain and "hear?, no dear, I dont have an ear to stand on.....

You know, it is very frustrating when you are in pain all the time, and no one pretends to care or notice. I know what you are going to say...."What do you want ME to do about it?" You're totally right! You are! There is nothing YOU can do about it, unless you have a medical degree behind you. If you are a rheumatologist, decent doctor with a heart and not afraid of the DEA, then YOU CAN help me. I would love to be able to pay to go to a dr that really wants to help you. Now I know what you're going to say, again......"Well, just giving you pain medications isn't going to REALLY help you, they just delay your pain." Yes, some of that is true, but since they cannot fix my pain, or take it away completely, then I am good with being "high" if that is what you want to call it ...and if that is meds, ok....if that is medical marijuana, ok too....just legalize the stuff already!!!!........It would be nice to function daily in this world, for the maybe 30-40 years I may have left. To enjoy them, and not feel like, "ahhh I better not go shopping with them, or go to the park with my hubby and dog, or whatever.....Just the smallest things set off flares. The other day, I went to a mall with my hubby and my son John, to get a tux measured for John's wedding...I took an extra strength pain medication in an extra strength dose, to be able to walk around the mall and enjoy being out for a day. Like only a few years ago, I was able to go shopping for hours, not hurting, or taking breaks....this particular trip, I lasted 20 minutes, when my back started to hurt again. Just 20 minutes, after hard core meds. Now maybe you will understand when I don't show up at meetings, I don't plan too much in advance. I have to make adjustments to almost everything I do. Driving a car, getting in and out of a car (type I should drive), walking barefoot, being a dancing queen........young and free....Not anymore.....Just yesterday, I went to clean out my car, just get junk out, a small vacuum and a couple windows, so I can possibly to a tradedown on my car, lower payments, less expensive car. Well, I can tell you , that just that little bit, tore me up! Good Lord~~~!!!!!!!! I could barely walk today and I am just starting to feel a little less pain, it is now 1:00 in the afternoon. What would happen if I had a job! Scary.....I can't imagine doing anything now that is on someone elses time. I need naps when I need them, meds when I need them, quiet when I need it, bathroom breaks when my body needs it. etc.......And as for my hearing. I cannot tell the difference between wind blowing and a truck going by, even though I was standing outside in the wind, and saw no truck. That makes your flight or fight mode stay in control all the time, which isn't healthy. Really wears you down.....mentally, emotionally, physically, Thank God he has me holding me , other wise I would crumble. I can't hear music in a restaurant, or in an elevator (unless its blaring), just sounds like either nothing or just white noise. Sometimes, in my head I hear like an explosion, or similar to a person popping a plastic bag right next to you, loudly. I can't hear someone call my name from behind in regular speech sounds. I can hear a bird singing, but not a dog barking down the street. I can hear a horn, but cannot hear the car coming around the corner,(if he is blaring the horn, you are done), its a very scary world for me, that most dont understand. I wish it were not so....but it is, and very hard for me without help, interpreter, written, computer, or other factors being set up , that make is easier for me to hear and understand. You cannot understand someone speaking to you, if you CAN'T hear them in the first place. Most conversations sound like a cross between, a Peanuts episode, an Ozzy Osbourne cell phone commercial, and Emily Litella (from the old SNL~ Gilda Radner (OBM), may she rest in peace......She would try to keep up with current events on weekend update with Chevy Chase. There would be a "story" and they would have her sideline the story....But the story was about "Russian JEWRY (Jews in Russia), and Emily, would start talking about "Jewelry made in Russia". CAN YOU SEE MY PROBLEM???? How embarrasing it is for me. Either you sit there and don't say anything, OR you say something and your talking about Russian Jewelry in a Russian Jewry world. But when Chevy Chase would butt in and tell poor Emily that she didn't understand the "story"....her comment would always be "Oh, nevermind......." That is weekend update, I'm Shoshana Sprinzl.................and you're not..