It seems to me that I have at 50, lived more lives than the age suggests! I have worn so many hats in my life and had several name changes all along the way..this is about me...
As a daughter, I was raised a Christian, I was a choir director in our church, I taught Sunday school and VBS ~ as an adult, I converted to Judaism, I went to the mikveh, I went to Israel and davened at the Western Wall. I love my ham and cheese sandwiches, but I have been told I make a mean matzoh ball soup! I converted back to Christianity, being a Baptist,Presbyterian, Methodist, Lutheran and confirmed Episcopal, Messianic, most importantly, Saved By Grace!
I have lost both my parents to cancer. I have been a friend, I have needed a friend. I have been in a car accident. I have lost a young relative to suicide. I am a woman that knows how to make playdough from scratch, a woman that loves her family and friends, a woman that will stop what she is doing to listen or do something for a friend, a woman who loves to laugh/cry, a prayer warrior, a woman who loves God more than anything. A woman who has a creative flair, who loves to create things.
I have been married and divorced two times each, but now married forever to my very best friend and sweetheart.I have two wonderful sons, but I have lost three children, that I didn't get to hold and love. I have gotten involved in others lives, when I shouldn't have, and for that I shall be eternally sorry. I can only pray for those whose lives I altered, and pray for the other parties involved that they are healed with the grace and peace that I have been given.
I can be an outspoken person, a quiet person, I am a woman with a passion for life. I started to attend college to study Funeral Directing/embalming. I wanted to give each person that dies, a kind and proper "send off", knowing that each of us is made in the image of God, unfortunately some people die in a very ugly way.
I have been a person with good health and lots of energy and a person with chronic pain and very little energy. A woman that sometimes has to walk with a cane. A woman that needs a nap here and there. A woman with fibromyalgia, a woman with arthritis, a woman who used to love to go on long hikes, bushwack through streams and rivers, I used to love to dance all night long, I used to love to drive, but because of PTSD and anxiety I sometimes cannot catch my breath. A woman that is completely deaf on one side and has a reverse slope loss(meaning that I can sometimes hear a bird chirping a few trees away, but cannot hear someone next to me talking to me) and this fluctuates.
I have changed my opinions and feelings, ideas and thoughts, growing in so many different directions over the years. I may be broken, but I am not barren. I am not proud of all that I have done in my life,but some things I am very proud of ~ yet,they are all still part of who I am and through all of the memories of good and bad, love and indifference ~ I am still God's child, standing at the well, drinking the cup of forgiveness, full and overflowing. Keeping my faith in God alone and my eyes fixed on Him.
I'm still working on the final reality of what makes me, me. I am glad to have lived this life, it has given me insight and compassion, patience and sensitivity beyond what most people ever get the chance to experience. I was piloting alone, thought I could do it on my own, I thought that I knew it all..... but at the end, God is at the helm, he is the Pilot, and I am ok with that. (this is just some of what makes me who I am , and I wanted to share that no matter who you are and what you have done, God always allows "U-Turns", meaning he always allows us to come to him, and ask for forgiveness, so he can turn our "things we arent proud of" into "things of glory for Him."
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