I was supposed to attend a auction for our local Lions club, and the monies were to go to local, national and international Lions charities. However, I was going to go on my way, my terms. Well, Tuesday night I get a call asking if I was going, I said I had planned to, but with the weather wasn't sure. She said, "well, I was going to ask you to help with some things". I said, "well all depends on the weather." she said " what if someone picks you up?", I said, that I was planning on leaving early if I was tired or not feeling well, as does happen sometimes, and this might be an extra long event!t I felt like such a flake! I apologized as much as I could. I felt so badly! How could I do this to my fellow Lions?? I look like I'm ok on the outside, but yet on the inside, some don't know how things really are. So I told her, I may just bow out all toghether this time, as I need to leave early if need be and couldn't have someone else responsible to drive me back and forth at MY leisure. I want to get involved , but my fear of having issues that will spin out of control and I can't help them, makes me back out sometimes...
These are some of the issues I deal with everyday. I get mad and hurt and frustrated! I wish I could just say "YES!, I am coming and what do you need me to do?, sure I'll stay and help clean up, awww, nah, doesn't matter, hubby doesnt get home til later!"...but I can't. sometimes I get tired, have IBS issues, pain meds wear off, need to eat or drink something at that exact moment, or sit or whatever. So, I try to volunteer and help others, but I have to do it at my pace and the way I am most comfortable, otherwise, I am not helping anyone, especially if I don't feel well, I can't help others with a smile and kindness. So I do things that work for me, when I can, on my clock. Maybe that sounds selfish, but when you have the medical issues that I have, you have to do what you can , when you can, how you can, and live with that, and be ok with it.
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